Sheryl Titchener is a dedicated mother to Cole Douglas, born January 2013, in addition to helping the love of her life, Curran, raise 3 of Curran’s beautiful children: Bryce, 21; Ravyn, 19; and Devon, 16.  

In my humble opinion, Sheryl and Curran are wonderful parents. They are definitive in what they expect from their children and rule sternly but lovingly.

Sheryl, you are a Mental Health Therapist in addition to the mother to a houseful of children. In addition, you and Curran are at almost all school activities in addition to being on various planning committees. How do you find the time to take care of all of your responsibilities?

Haha… I forfeit sleep! Just kidding… I live by my Google calendar. Everyone has a different color assigned to them and if it doesn’t get on the calendar, it doesn’t happen! I’ve installed it on everyone’s phones so they have access to their activity schedules. Sometimes the challenge is just being in multiple places at the same time!

As a Mental Health Therapist you work with young children in difficult situations.

My work is difficult but very rewarding. I am a mental health therapist with a specialty in early childhood and I work primarily with children ages 7 and under. I do a type of therapy called Non-Directive Experiential Play Therapy which is just a whole bunch of big words used to say that I speak to children in the language that they use, which is play. When children come to see me, I don’t interrogate them or inundate them with questions that they may or may not be able to answer. Using their language, I can ascertain what they are thinking, feeling, experiencing, through the themes and metaphors of their play.

If I had to choose three bits of advice to give parents (aside from read Love & Logic), it would be as follows…

1. Put the needs of your child(ren) above your own needs.

This applies to a couple of areas. First, adult business is for adults ONLY. Your children are not your friends (until after 25 when their brains are fully developed ;)). Giving them more information than they need to know is not only hurtful, it is harmful.

Second, when you have that precious little baby in your arms for the very first time, no one thinks, one day I will hate your father/mother and not be able to be in the same room as him/her. TOO BAD! You don’t have to stay together for your children but it is best for your children if you can put your “stuff” aside and co-parent separately. Both parents are important. Trash talking the other parent, and/or the new stepparent, to your children is not only hurtful, it is harmful. Your children will learn how to be, and who to be, in relationship with others, from you.

2. BOUNDARIES. LIMITS. STRUCTURE. FOLLOW THRU. CONSISTENCY!!! LEAD BY EXAMPLE.

Children are little sponges, like it or not they are going to learn more by what you do, than what you say. Boundaries and limits make them feel safe and create an environment in which they can safely grow. Structure, follow thru, and consistency also makes them feel safe and allows them to learn cause and effect. Threats without follow thru only teaches them that you do not mean what you say, and the world may not either.

3. PLAY with your children and let them direct the play.

As adults, we often get caught up in teaching (i.e.: this is what this toy is for, this is what this toy does, this is how this character interacts with this character, etc), which is great, but there has to be time for their exploring and self-expression. Allowing them to direct the play, not only creates an opportunity for bonding with the parent, it also allows for the child to foster creativity and to develop self-esteem, as well as communicate important themes from their perspective.

Do you have any particular resources (books, video, websites) that you think would be of benefit to our readers as they navigate the highs and lows of parenting?

Love & Logic!!! I am a certified Love & Logic Facilitator and use Love & Logic both with my families at work and with my own, at home. Love & Logic, developed by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, is a philosophy geared towards helping parents raise responsible kids. One of the main focuses is developing a child’s self-esteem through offering choices. Kids who practice making choices in safe contained environments will be better prepared for making choices in the “real world.” I would recommend Love & Logic to every parent, grandparent, teacher, etc…

Sheryl, I have long been impressed by the discipline, and love, with which you and Curran run your household. I see this in the handling of household duties, in the attitude and dedication with which you parent and in the respect and love with which the children treat you. Can you please tell us more about that?

Being a stepmom isn’t always easy. Being part of a blended family isn’t always easy. Having teenagers isn’t always easy. But I will be honest, I have been very blessed. Despite minor bumps along the way, which are to be expected, our family has blended better than anyone could have expected. Of course at times, I am frustrated with things I can’t control, or the norms that were in place before I came along, or just feeling helpless, confused, or left out. I am especially grateful that Curran has empowered me to have my own relationship with each of the children. Our family wouldn’t be where it is today if he hadn’t supported me and allowed me to fully participate in the family. I love being a mom and most days I love being a stepmom, they make my life fuller than I ever could have imagined.

Another thing that has helped us is a motto I have used for years while working with children in my professional life:

Safe, Respectful, Fun to be around.

These core values are something we try to instill in our children every day. Raising children is really just raising adults. We want our children to be the kind of adults who know how to navigate in the world, who can be dependable, and contribute positively to their relationships, careers, and the world as a whole. We are always focusing the kids on their responsibilities. That applies to their school work, church commitments, and household obligations. We model that by upholding our responsibilities, not just by going to work and providing for the family, but by supporting the kids in all that they do. It’s very important that they see us a constant presence in their lives, even when maybe they’d rather we stay home. 😉

Can you offer one of your favorite tips for feeding your family?

My favorite meals are meals that can be made in the crock pot. I am ALWAYS looking for tasty and healthy crock pot recipe. I would rather have the time to spend with my family, than cooking and cleaning. A sink full of dishes is not nearly as fun as a bathtub full of bubbles or kitchen table surrounded by our laughing brood.

What type of activities do you enjoy as a family?

One thing about my family is that they are hysterical. When we are together not much gets accomplished except for silly made up songs, raps, dances, and constant comedic banter. The house is very loud but it is very loving and very fun.

How did you and Curran meet ? What do you do to make sure that you stay connected as you navigate your busy life?

Curran and I spend more time together than most couples I know. Outside of our jobs, we spend our time going to basketball games, or track meets, or PTSA, or any of the many committees I volunteer us for, or grocery shopping, or to church, together. Doing things together for our family not only enriches the lives of our children, but it also strengthens and enriches our relationship. I honestly would rather spend time with him than any other person in the world. Date nights are important to us as well, except these days we usually bring the baby along. I am very protective of our time with him. He’s only little for a short time and we are away from him during the work week, .

What is next for you?

I began thinking about ways I could be most involved in Coles development, and still use my professional knowledge. With some encouragement from some dear friends, I came to the realization that I should open my own preschool. So, I am in the process of opening an in-home preschool: The Owl Tree Preschool. My dream is to one day open it in a storefront and have several classes. But for now I am excited to get started with one class. Owl Tree will focus on growing kids emotionally, socially, AND academically. In my opinion, important parts of a child’s development gets lost with expectations placed on children and on schools. Bringing the experience I have as a therapist, an early childhood specialist, a Love & Logic Facilitator, and a parent, I am hoping to help children grow in a structured yet child focused environment.