The Experience of Sexual Pain

Disclaimer: Elise Ho, aka “Dr. Ho” is a Holistic Health & Life Coach. Dr. Ho is NOT a medical doctor, licensed therapist, lawyer, or a bevy of other things. Products or services that Dr. Ho believes in are the only ones that she recommends. Dr. Ho may receive compensation, product, or an affiliate commission on anything you see on this site. This is a personal Website solely reflecting Dr. Ho’s personal opinions. Statements on this site do not represent the views or policies of any organization with which I may be affiliated.

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The Experience of Sexual Pain

Please welcome my friend, Bonnie Gayle, as she shares information about sexual pain, her experience with it and how she came to make an excellent product known as Sex Butter.

The Experience of Sexual Pain

By Bonnie Gayle


Why is something that affects so many relationships being kept so hush? It’s the white elephant in the bedroom that nobody is talking about, Sexual Pain. Click To Tweet


How would you feel about having sex if each time you did you felt excruciating pain?


According to the World Health Organization, sexual pain is something that 15-30 million women are suffering from, or can expect to suffer from. And if you don’t think this would affect your relationship then think about this… Click To Tweet



So why is nobody really out there talking about such a common problem?  It’s shameful. I know that when this started happening to me I was ashamed and alone. I did not understand what was happening to me, or why, so I started asking around.


At the time (age 41), nobody I knew who was my age was going through “the change”… Menopause. Nobody had any idea what I was talking about which only created more shame. Of course, that was the case but yet I was determined that I was not going to be OK with feeling this way for the rest of my life.


After going to the doctor and being told I had the beginning stages of Vaginal Atrophy (yes, my vagina was aging), I decided that I had to do something about it.  I was told to have sex more often and to use lube.


While I was looking into lube choices, I noticed ingredients that were toxic to the body and that many of them contained parabens which are known to cause cancer. That’s when I started on my mission to create an organic, healing lube, which is now known as Sex Butter currently being used by many aside from myself to soothe and heal sexual pain.


The Experience of Sexual Pain

I am NOT a medical doctor, licensed therapist, lawyer or a bevy of other things. I am a Holistic Life & Mindset Coach with an extreme passion for helping people to break through the obstacles in the way of them living their dreams.

Products or services that I believe in are the only ones that I recommend.  I may receive compensation, product or an affiliate commission on anything you see on this site. Click HERE to read my full disclosure.

Sexual pain is not just for “older women.”


There are so many reasons that women experience sexual pain some of the most common are:


Vaginal Dryness

A woman can have vaginal dryness at any age for varying reasons. Some causes of vaginal dryness are temporary while others are permanent.


Hormone Imbalance 

This isn’t necessarily menopausal however it does occur in menopausal women who are not taking some type of hormone therapy. Up to 25-45% of menopausal women experience sexual pain. The reason is a lack of estrogen causing the vaginal lining (our protective barrier) to deteriorate.



Many medications on the market today are causing vaginal dryness and even a lack of desire for sex. Anti-depressant medication and anti-histamines are just a couple of examples. If you are experiencing vaginal dryness, you may want to check the side effects of any medication you are taking.



Women who have had chemotherapy for cancer, especially female cancers, are extremely prone to experiencing huge negative affects sexually for the rest of their lives.  This is one of the biggest secrets that doctors don’t tell you because their concern is saving your life, not whether you are going to have a great sex life afterward. This is not a temporary situation while you’re having the chemotherapy.  It’s something that could affect you for the rest of your life.



Sexually transmitted infections, also known as STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases) can cause a lot of sexual pain even if it is not “active”.



Stress causes so many negative things to happen to our bodies. Vaginal dryness is just one of them. When you are stressed out, odds are your vagina will be dried out.


Sexual Abuse 

Any woman who has experienced sexual abuse in the past could naturally feel fear during sexual experiences; even if it happened long ago. In many cases, the memory of the feeling naturally causes tightening coupled with dryness. Even though many times this is a psychological issue it does not diminish the physical pain felt.


Lack of Foreplay Prior to Penetration

This reason is really for anyone, no matter your age. If you are not properly lubricated, most likely sex is going to be painful. This is an easy fix and can be fun too!


Men with Extremely Large Penis Size

The average penis is 5”-5 ½” inches in length. There are men who have much larger penis size which can be painful for many females, especially if the girth is also enhanced.


Yeast Infections & Vaginal Disease (non-STI) 

There are all kinds of diseases that create pain in the vaginal region many of which are not necessarily associated with a sexually transmitted infection. Vaginismus, Vaginal Atrophy, and Vulvadinia are just a few examples of vaginal disease. Unfortunately, there are more which can cause sexual pain in the vaginal region.


Sexual pain can take many forms. It can feel like a burning sensation, itching, and/or stinging and can range from mild to severe. Feeling any sexual pain does not make you feel like having sex and can definitely hinder sexual activity in relationships.


You may be asking yourself, what can you do if you are experiencing sexual pain.


There are a few things.


Find the Cause

Depending on what the cause is, you may be able to change it. If it’s something you can do differently, like have more sexual foreplay prior to penetration, then that is an easy fix.


Get Some Professional Help for Vaginal Disease or Psychological Issues

If it’s a physical, or psychological reason, you may need a doctor’s help. Check with your physician if you are having a problem and know that you are NOT alone in this.


Use a Personal Lubricant that is Healthy for Your Body & Healing

I recommend Sex Butter, an organic personal lubricant that not only is healthy and healing – it’s also a “feel good” product. It’s hormone free, paraben free, synthetic free and irritant free and does not have any negative side effects on your most precious body parts. It is also a product that I created.


If you or anyone you know is experiencing sexual pain, know that you are not alone and there is help out there for you.


originally published February, 2014, republished because its super important info

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Naturally Yours,
Elise Ho
Ph.D., D.N. Psych.
Behavioral & Mental Health Specialist

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17 thoughts on “The Experience of Sexual Pain”

  1. Thank you for sharing such vital information, this will help so many women as well as men to understand their partners. Great post!

  2. Thank you for this enlightening post on how to deal with the many challenges of pain as we age. I had no idea there are so many factors involved and grateful for this natural product. I can see this being of help to sooth the physical need and the actual bond of relationships.

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About The Author

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho is a Holistic Health & Life Coach with a special interest in emotional health, life alignment, and energy flow.

Elise will partner with you to align your mindset, your energy, your home and your career so that you can live your life's desire with freedom and love.

Elise offers 30 years of experience and multiple certifications and degrees including a Ph.D. in Natural Health and a doctoral degree in Naturopathic Psychology.