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The Relationship Engineer

Disclaimer: Elise Ho, aka “Dr. Ho” is a Holistic Health & Life Coach. Dr. Ho is NOT a medical doctor, licensed therapist, lawyer, or a bevy of other things. Products or services that Dr. Ho believes in are the only ones that she recommends. Dr. Ho may receive compensation, product, or an affiliate commission on anything you see on this site. This is a personal Website solely reflecting Dr. Ho’s personal opinions. Statements on this site do not represent the views or policies of any organization with which I may be affiliated.

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The Relationship Engineer



Please welcome guest blogger, Kristy of From Engineer to SAHM


Please welcome guest blogger, Kristy of From Engineer to SAHM

Almost three years ago, I left my career as an engineer. 

Reflecting back, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do.
I was certain in my decision to stay home, just not sure what I would do with my sons every day.
Would I have to come up with activities every day for them to do? How many days (or times) a week could I take them to the park without getting bored? What would I feed them? How many snacks do they need?

Most of all I worried that my children would get bored being home with me.[ctt template=”8″ link=”e3b61″ via=”yes” ]Most of all I worried that my children would get bored being home with me.[/ctt]

After all, I’d spent most of my first son’s life working with grown people all day, just really seeing him for a couple of hours a day. I was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear about selective catalytic converters and pressure drops. But looking back now, I realized my technical degree has been one of the major ways I have connected with my sons.
[ctt template=”8″ link=”92Yo6″ via=”yes” ]If you struggle to find ways to connect with your kids, here are a few ways two mechanical engineers (my husband and I) have found to connect with our boys.[/ctt]

Find a toy that introduces them to your field of engineering.

If you’re an electrical engineer, introduce them to circuits with a Snap Circuits toy. If you’re a chemical engineer, play with a chemistry set with them. Since both my husband and I are mechanical engineers, we love anything with gears. My husband introduced my son to hobby grade remote control cars, and it has opened up a world of opportunities to teach him about what we have done in our careers. From materials science to reliability engineering, my son’s toy has been a great way for us to connect and teach him a little about what Mommy and Daddy do.

Incorporate math into (almost) everything you do with your kids.

If you have a technical degree, like us, math and numbers do not intimidate you at all. To you, math is fun and useful. Its a part of everyday life. Share your love for logic and math with your kids by showing them that math is fun and a part of every day. When you’re at the grocery store, have your toddler count the apples with you while you put the fruit into a bag. Count the number of slices on the pizza you’re about to eat. Play subtraction, addition, and multiplication games with them.

Need some ideas? Here are some of the ways my family makes math fun!

Make up an activity that teaches your kid about your career.

My oldest son is very interested in what I used to do before I decided to stay home. My last position was as a project engineer, and I wanted to find a fun way to teach him about what I used to do. So I came up with a simple activity that taught him what being a project engineer was like. Showing him a simplified version of what I used to do has stuck with him a lot better than me just telling him.

Build something with them.

Since my husband and I are both Mechanical Engineers, we are both able to guess how things are made by just looking at them. To teach my son this same skill, my husband is teaching him by building things with him. Some of the things they have built together include side tables, a sofa table, and a ramp for his RC car. Before they start building, my husband talks to my son about what they’re going to build, and how they are going to build it. He lets my son use power tools (age appropriate ones), and talks to him about safety. Sure the project takes much longer than it would if my husband had just done it on his own, but the connection my husband is making with our son is completely worth it!

Look for opportunities to teach your kid what you know!

Many of the greatest opportunities I’ve had to connect with my sons are when I watch them while they play. You would be surprised how many toys involve some kind of engineering principle. For example, my son’s Hot Wheels have presented me opportunities to teach him about the laws of motion and energy. Just watch your kids playing, and jump in when you see an opportunity to share with them. Trust me, they won’t mind the interruption. They’ll be glad mommy or daddy was paying attention.

Have them fix something with you.

Most engineers love to fix and improve things. My husband, for example, prefers to do his own car maintenance. So when he changes his car’s oil, or needs to change out the brakes, he does the work instead of taking it to a mechanic. And while it would take him half the time to complete these things on his own, he always asks my son to help him. Not only is this a great way for my husband and son to connect, but it also teaches my son about maintenance needs of equipment.

Try an experiment you’re not quite sure will work.

We all know that failure, especially when developing new technology, is a great way to learn. Unfortunately, our kids never see that side of us. They imagine mom and dad to be indestructible and infallible. But it’s important to not only show our kids that we are human, but that failure is not something to fear. One way to teach them to accept failure is to try an experiment without making sure it will work. For example, I once tried an experiment with my son that involved marshmallow chicks and some sticks we had picked up during a walk. Well, my unplanned experiment failed miserably, but my son watched as I tried several times to make it work. He learned that mommy doesn’t always know the answer, but trying to figure out the answer is a lot of fun!

Buy a subscription box with engineering activities to do with your kids.

I got this idea from a fellow engineer mom of mine. I saw the activities she was doing with her grade school kids, and I asked her what it was. When the subscription box was on sale, I decided to try one out. I needed a quiet way to keep my oldest son busy while his baby brothers napped. He’s a super active kid, and TV just doesn’t cut it for him. When we tried the subscription box, he loved it so much, I decided to buy him a year subscription for Christmas. Now, each month he anxiously awaits the next box, and as soon as it arrives he wants to tear into it. But I always make him wait till Saturday afternoon when the babies are sleeping. I assumed he loved the boxes because they were fun (well, that was one reason). I realized this was the only time when every other minute I wasn’t needing to change a diaper or fill a sippy cup. Completing the activities was the one time during the week he was getting one on one attention from me.

Answer their questions.

Ok, so this one seems obvious, but kids ask A LOT of questions. Some really random questions too. But as someone in a technical field, we have an advantage here. Most of us are naturally inquisitive, which is why we chose a technical path to begin with. We, ourselves, want to know why things are the way they are. Kids are exactly the same way! And since we spent 4 or more years learning why things are the way they are, all we have to do is answer them. If we don’t know the answer, our technical degrees also taught us how to figure out the answer. Teach your kids how to find answers themselves by including them in the discovery process as well!

Take a trip to your Alma Mater.

Family trips are always a great way to connect. Kids are also curious about mommy and daddy’s past. So taking them on a trip to the school you spent four or more years at to get your degree would be amazing to them. Show them where you hung out. Take them to the places you ate. Show them your dorm. Anything to make them feel a part of this part of your past. Don’t wait till they’re in high school to peak their interest about a degree in tech. Show them how fun it is when they’re young!

In these last three years, I’ve realized that all my sons really want is time with me.

It doesn’t really matter what it is I’m doing, kids just want time with their parent.

So if you struggle to find ways to connect with your kids, try including them in anything you’re doing. You may think they’re not interested, but you’ll be surprised.
[ctt template=”8″ link=”cib0c” via=”yes” ]Including your children in what you\’re doing shows them that they are important enough to be included.[/ctt]
Christy is an engineer turned stay at home mom. After working as an engineer for over 10 years, she decides to make the leap to stay home to raise her 3 rambunctious boys. But once an engineer, always an engineer. Now she enjoys teaching her sons about the world through her eyes, the eyes of an engineer. Visit her website at http://www.fromengineertosahm.com

Now, it is your turn.

Did you decide to leave your career to stay home with your kids? How did your husband or wife feel about that? What has gone well? What has been a struggle?

Please share your experience in the comments.

Please use the comment section below to share your tips, questions, and/or thoughts about this post.

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Naturally Yours,
Elise Ho
Ph.D., D.N. Psych.
Behavioral & Mental Health Specialist

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30 thoughts on “The Relationship Engineer”

  1. Pingback: I Won A Blogger Recognition Award - Ask Dr. Ho

  2. Kaity | With Kids and Coffee

    What a wonderful idea to bring something that you’re passionate about into your day-to-day at home with your child! I will definitely be trying this with my girls. How young is too young to teach them Excel? 😉

  3. I love your ideas for engaging your child! I especially like the idea of trying an experiment you’re not quite sure will work- I’m excited to try with my daughter when she is older!

    1. Thank you! My son had a great time laughing with me as we tried different things! But most of all I think he just enjoyed my undivided attention.

  4. I left a career to become a mom too, and it is so tough! I love your ideas, though I am curious if you feel intellectually satisfied. How do you keep your brain from atrophy?

    1. To be honest, finding ways to be intellectually satisfied was heard at first. Finding ways to teach my son about engineering, and running a blog have helped me fill the void.

  5. Love the idea of trying a project you’re not sure will work. Work or not… it will be awesome. My children are all grown but when we sit around a laugh about the past its normally about the things that didn’t go exactly as planned.

    1. My oldest had a great time laughing with me as I failed at an Easter experiment earlier this year. I think it was great because our kids tend to think we’re “perfect”.

  6. Great tips there. Stumbled upon your article while searching for activities to do with my children now that it’s summer here in Sweden. Thanks for sharing

  7. this is such an interesting post! i talk to my niece & nephew all the time about what i do at the salon. I went to cosmetology school so am always a little teeny bit envious of people who have so much pride in their alma mater!

    1. That’s great! My mom also went through cosmetology school, and always cut my hair growing up. She also did my hair for any big event, including prom and my wedding! She showed me her love by always taking the time to do my hair.

  8. Dr. Ho, I think you touched on something that is so real. We as parents think that our kids aren’t interested in our “grown up” stuff, but I swear, my son would rather help me do work around the house and yard than play. Sometimes we vastly underestimate our tiny humans.

    Awesome Post! 🙂

    1. My two older boys actually fight over who “gets” to do the vacuuming. I’ve realized our kids really just want time with us, no matter what we’re doing.

  9. I relate to this with every bit of my being. I was an electrical engineer, for 19 years, that became a stay-at-home mom while pregnant with my second child. I did some project work after he was born but only for a few months. Some days were rough but I have loved being home with them. I currently homeschool both kids (10 year old son & 14 year old daughter) which has put some of my engineering skills to use. I love how you have incorporated your engineering into your life as a SAHM. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    1. Tea, I’m so glad you could relate! I also tried working from home after maternity leave with my second, but struggled to balance both. For my family, it has worked really well to have me home with our 3 active boys.

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About The Author

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho is a Holistic Health & Life Coach with a special interest in emotional health, life alignment, and energy flow.

Elise will partner with you to align your mindset, your energy, your home and your career so that you can live your life's desire with freedom and love.

Elise offers 30 years of experience and multiple certifications and degrees including a Ph.D. in Natural Health and a doctoral degree in Naturopathic Psychology.