Ditch The Parenting Guilt.
- Why am I not home with the kids?
- Why isn’t the house clean?
- How can I miss the school play?”
That same negative nagging voice makes comments such as:
- I am a terrible parent to have missed the school play.
- XXX is a much better parent than I am.
- XXX does so much more in a day than I do.
The list can go on and on. But, who does this voice, the voice of this person putting negativity inside of you, serve?
Guilt is self-destructive, wastes energy and adds stress to your life.
The first step to ditching the parenting guilt is to identify if you even should be feeling guilty.
Guilt usually manifests when a person feels they have gone against their own moral compass.
What needs to be determined is if you have really done so or if something else is making you feel guilty. Is your conscience playing tricks or were your actions truly wrong?
Did the event already occur for which you feel guilty, or is it a future event?
If it is an event in the future than it is not guilt that is being felt but rather the close cousin called “worry.” In the case of worry over a future event keep in mind that you can still change the future.
Create a list of all of the reasons for which you are worried, evaluate the list for real issues and then brainstorm how you can handle the real issues.
If the event is in the past then you must learn to make your peace with it so that you can move on. Consider what could have been done to create a more positive outcome. How could the situation have been handled differently?
Even if it could have been handled differently, if there is nothing that can be done to improve the situation, then you must let go of the guilt.
If you could have handled things differently and you now have a plan should the same situation arise then you must let go of the guilt.
LET GO OF THE GUILT.” Guilt serves no one.
Allow yourself the realization that you are doing the best you can. You have made decisions to the best of your knowledge at the time.
Do not look back and be upset because you did not make the healthiest choices but, rather, think about whether or not you made the healthiest choices based on what you knew at the time.
Holding on to parenting guilt, or any guilt for that matter serves no positive purpose.
Guilt is toxic to your mental and your physical health. Guilt can cause extreme bouts of anxiety, stomach cramping, weight gain, sleep deprivation and a whole host of issues with the people in our lives.
Originally published September 9, 2014
20 thoughts on “Ditch The Parenting Guilt”
Great post! I feel that we have to just try and do our best. Thanks for sharing with SYC.
hugs,
Jann
Yes, I agree.
This is such an important post with an important message. We are all guilty (oh dear!) of feeling like this. I know I am, but with the reminders in here, it’s possible for all of us to feel better about ourselves and situations we may find ourselves in. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales, do come back next week!
Thank you very much for your lovely comments.
Very important reminders. We can not be all things to all people at all times. It is exhausting to try. #dreamteam
Yes, very exhausting and also impossible.
i’m totally with you. Mum guilt is hard to get over but once you do you realise that everything is ok
Thank you
Great tips! It is so easy to fall into the trap of continuous guilt as a parent.
It is just way too easy…
Someone told me once that guilt is a waste of an emotion. In many cases, that’s 100% true, but it’s still hard to ditch the guilt!
but that is really good advice.
I think the expectations for being a mum these days are huge and social media plays a big part in perception. I also find it interesting that mums get the mummy guilt but I’m pretty certain dads don’t get it. Still something I’m working on.
I think it is something that most moms are still working on.
What struck me was how a husband and a wife could have different guilt about the upbringing of the children. Different generations think differently about guilt.
You really do point out a very important thing to be aware. The expectations of each generation and therefore the guilt that they may feel does change. Now if we all could just get to skipping over the guilt, doing the best that we can and supporting each other it would be great.
Kids are smart. They not only pick up on your guilt, they seem to take it on as their responsibility.
You are so right about both points that you make. We really need to be aware of how what we do and how we react can affect those around us.
Hi Elise,
Guilt is so toxic and a waste of time in my book! But it does come up at times, especially if you are a mom. Holding on to guilt will not only destroy your inner being, but you children do pick up on feelings.
There are great ways you have explained to help diminish that Guilt! But, as you mention, if one cannot do it alone, call a health professional.
Great advice!
-Donna
Thanks, Donna. It is so important that people realize that calling a professional for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.