The Evolution of Love and Sex.
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Before our sex life began its evolution we were so hot.
Make out in an elevator.
Mess around in a movie theater.
Do it in a parking lot.
Can’t keep our hands off of each other, steaming hot.
We would rack up hundreds of dollars in phone bills.
Thousands of text messages were sent.
We wrote long love letters that spewed romance, love, and sex all over the pages.
There was lingerie, dates, romance, stripteases, candles, and music in the bedroom.
There was thoughtfulness behind every action.
We were so in love and so into each other every single minute of every single day.
It was breathtaking, crazy, spontaneous, sexy, love.
Even our tone of voice was different with each other. Almost like a happy, higher pitched baby voice.
The “I love you… no, I love you more… stop it… no, you hang up…” That was us.
Notice I said “was”.
Fast forward seven years, almost to the day, marriage and two kids later. Evolution hits.
We call each other and text a couple times a day. Mostly just to talk about what’s for dinner or how the kids are doing.
We say an obligatory “I love you” at the end of each call.
We do not talk about love and sex.
The content has gone from hundreds of long admissions of utter longing to “love ya” or “hi.”
Our cutsie tone of voice has changed too. It’s almost like we’re in a rush, talking to a telemarketer or distant relative.
Conversations that once were about future plans and sweet nothings are now replaced by how many times the baby pooped that day and what bills need to be paid.
Sexy, slinky lingerie has been replaced with flannel polka dot PJ’s.
Sex has been replaced by sleep, sometimes in separate rooms depending on the kids.
Music in our bedroom is usually “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” and that doesn’t really do it for me.
Maybe we’ll text a little flirt here or there and make plans to snuggle or get lucky.
But then we’re so tired and stressed by the day that we barely grunt at each other when we turn out the light.
If we get past that hurdle, our efforts are usually thwarted by a four-year-old in between us and a five-month-old’s crib in our room. We have older kids too… five kids (four in the house usually) altogether, so there’s the “hush” factor to take into consideration.
Yes, we can get creative- a quickie in the shower or a close encounter in the closet.
However, those are few and far between, really far between.
Come to think of it, I think I get more attention from the shower curtain while shaving my legs.
It’s not like we love each other any less, but we’re older, busier and more comfortable with each other.
I know that, as a couple, we are in transition right now.
We’re trying to find our way as parents to teens, a tween, a preschooler, and baby. We’re slammed with bills, jobs, kids’ activities, cleaning, laundry, dinner, appointments and just plain “stuff” that we all have to deal with every day.
If we lived on a magical island where none of those things existed, I’m sure we’d be all over each other like a mess on a toddler at least a few hours every day.
Kinda like when we first met, so it’s not that we don’t want it.
It’s just that it’s not a priority.
I know that one day soon, we’ll find our way back to each other and back to the bedroom.
I envision it to be hot, with lingerie (I hope my boobs aren’t around my knees by then!), candles and music.
Where we are now is a temporary result of all that life has given us, and we’re grateful.
We’re grateful that we get to be busy with healthy, active kids.
We’re grateful that we have a beautiful home to keep up and an amazing life together.
Sex was a huge part of “us” and it will be again.
We just have to roll with the punches and put every effort in that we can when we can and know that, that is enough, we are enough.
Our evolution is perfect for us.