Today is Rosh Hashanah but we shall not be observing this year.

We have arrived in New York on a “red eye” flight.  My daughter has slept almost the whole way but I have only shut my eyes for a moment.

I feel a certain relief to be arriving here and am very anxious to see my husband and my mother-in-law. I want to hug them both.

One of my brothers-in-law picks us up from the airport and it feels like I am home.

That surprises me because when we left New York 17 years ago it no longer felt like home.

We spend the day shopping, making decisions, and organizing for the funeral which will be on Friday, September 30.

It is finally time to get some nourishment and after having been awake for about 36 hours I am anxious to sit down.

As I am about to enter the restaurant, I receive a call that takes much more time than is appropriate. The subject is a discussion of arrangements for something that should not be difficult but somehow is.

I get very frustrated at this and feel very uncomfortable that a dozen people are waiting for me.

We  finally enjoy as nice of a dinner a dinner as is possible given the circumstances. Sadly it is followed by more drama which apparently is the theme of the day.

I do hope that everything will calm down and that everyone will step up and do what is right.

I also hope that people will gain perspective and support those that surround them rather than making things more difficult.

Many of us now head back to my mother-in-laws. Here we roll all of the gold and silver papers that will be burned at the funeral along with the paper money and other items. The envelopes which will be given to the guests as they depart tomorrow’s gathering are ready. The flowers are ordered and all of the ritual items are purchased.

When it is finally time to depart to the hotel I am exhausted and going on 40 hours with no real sleep.

My brother-in-law drops my husband, daughter and I off at the hotel accompanied by two of my nieces. I am happy to have them with us as they are delightful. It is also helpful to my sister-in-law who will be better able to concentrate on what she needs to do.

Upon arriving at our room, I am extremely disappointed by the quality of the hotel and do not want to stay. However, I am also just too exhausted to leave.

At 43 hours without rest I lay my head on my pillow and dream of my father-in-law.