We Must Grow With Our Children

Elise Cohen Ho and JOhn Gray

As our children change so must we.

John Gray is the leading relationship expert in the world. His relationship and health books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages. His groundbreaking book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, is the best-selling non-fiction book of all time. Learn more about John Gray at www.marsvenus.com.

As our children change so must we. This is so much easier said than done. Our children are getting older and with that come different responsibilities for both them and us.
As our children change so must we. This is so much easier said than done. Our children are getting older and with that come different responsibilities for both them and us.
As our children change so must we. This is so much easier said than done. Our children are getting older and with that come different responsibilities for both them and us.

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These messages and other important information can be found in Dr. Gray’s bestselling book, Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children.

 

1. It’s Okay to be different.

 

Different genders, needs, temperaments, body types, intelligence and speeds of learning are just some of the things that can affect a child’s personality. It is important that they feel loved and accepted no matter what. It is essential that a child believes “it’s okay to be different” because it is ok. We must carefully consider here when it is a good time to give advice and when it is time to just listen.

 

 

 

2. It’s Okay to make mistakes.

 

Mistakes are a natural occurrence in life and this is most especially so as children make the transition from innocence to responsibility. It is important to learn from mistakes and to teach our children how to make amends. When our children do make mistakes, and they will indeed make plenty of them we should be reacting calmly and work on adjusting their behavior, rather than punishing. Of course, there may come a time where it is necessary to become more strict so that we do not put our teens at risk for serious trouble.

 

 

3. It’s Okay to express negative emotions.

 

Negative emotions are a very normal part of life. Allowing our children to “vent” their anger and manage their feelings in other ways is a very important skill for them to learn. We need to children to recognize the cues that indicate that they are getting angry so that they can work with you on ways to handle that anger in a positive manner before it gets out of control.

 

4. It’s Okay to want more.

 

It is very normal to want more. This feeling and desire, in fact, gives us the motivation to strive for bigger and better things whether that be relationships, monetary items or to fulfill other wants or needs. We want to teach our children how to ask, negotiate, express gratitude and handle disappointments. These are skills that will serve them well in the present and the future. If we do not teach that “it’s okay to want more” we are robbing our children of a very important learning experience.

 

 

5. It’s Okay to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses.

 

To be secure a child must feel heard but always know that they are not the bosses. Children that do not go through this healthy resistance may actually go through an unfortunate rebellion around puberty. Permission to ask for things and then the ability to accept that the answer is sometimes “no” allows children to develop a healthy sense of self.

 

Raising your child from birth to preteen to teen to adulthood is not about controlling your child and forcing them to your will. Rather it is about raising a good and productive member of society. Click To Tweet

 

What are your thoughts? Please share in the comments below.

As our children change so must we. This is so much easier said than done. Our children are getting older and with that come different responsibilities for both them and us.

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About The Author

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho is a Natural Health Specialist, CBD Entrepreneur, and Life Skills Counselor.

Dr. Ho offers 30 years of experience and holds multiple certifications and degrees including a Ph.D. in Natural Health and a doctoral degree in Naturopathic Psychology.

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40 thoughts on “We Must Grow With Our Children”

  1. Parenting isn’t easy especially in this world where social media and the like seems to have so much power over the children. I do agree that with our without children we need to keep growing throughout life. Thank you for sharing some helpful parenting advice at #BloggersPitStop and have a lovely week.

  2. Parenting can be really tough. I’ve got an almost 8 year old and it’s sometimes easy to forget we are both growing and changing together. #sharingthebloglove

  3. I am new parent. Well almost 4 years into it! Lol But in all seriousness it’s been a lot of trial and error and controlling myself as much as it is that I want my son to act a certain way. I try to let him express himself and be himself as much as possible but also make sure that although I am his friend I am still his Mom. It’s hard on psyche sometimes because on the day to day basis it’s hard to know if what I am doing makes any difference but I do know that with faith and hope and hard work that my son will be an amazing adult.

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

  4. This was a great read! I have a 12 year old that’s going through changes. He certainly has his moody days, but is otherwise a happy camper. I’ve noticed that he wants to be in his room more to listen to music. We’ve bumped up his tasks a bit. He has to watch his brother more.

  5. Very sagefull advice. My 14 year old is at that stage feeling she’s completely grown up and it’s definitely finding the right balance. It’s not easy but all we can do is our best. I’ve never had a problem saying no to my children but need to be a bit more flexible at times. #always learning.

  6. I absolutely love this post. Kids too often, are left to be the bosses and call the shots these days. Overall, the parents are still the bosses and a child expressing themselves can be done as long as they guided to do it right.

  7. A very good write up. What I like the most is that it doesn’t propagate about being that “perfect” parent or being too controlling over children. It just tells to be normal( by being both controlling and not-so-controlling depending on situations). Thank you for this wonderful write up.

  8. I especially like number one. I have not felt accepted by my parents since becoming an adult, and after all the toxicity forty six years later, I have cut them out of my life.

    1. Willow, I am sorry to hear that your relationship with your parents was so negative. I hope you are in a happy place now.

  9. Respect is a two-way thing with a parent and a child.
    I would admit I messed up with my kids so that they can follow the lead and know it’s ok not to be perfect and that humans make mistakes. The main lesson was that you learn from the mistake you made.

    1. It definitely is a two-way street. Also for kids to respect you it does not mean you have to always be right. It is more so about admitting the truth and having open and realistic conversations and interactions.

    1. Yes, I agree on both points. I can tell you that it is true for sure as my children grow into young adults.

  10. I am definitely feeling these stages with my kids entering the teens years. Great post! It’s hard to give them that independence but when you do and they make the right choices its the best feeling in the world.

  11. We’re definitely growing in the patience department. My husband and I were never patient people, and having a kiddo has taught us much to remedy that!

  12. Parenting must be such a tightrope walk. I hear friends saying, they won’t listen to me they need to go to school for this or that OR literally forcing their beliefs upon their kids, political, religious and more instead of parenting, and raising responsible humans that can make their own decisions.

  13. I agree so much with this. The more we can relate to our children, the easier it will be for both the parent and child. My daughter has got into video games lately and instead of getting aggravated about it, I join her. Talk to her about what it is she likes about it and play with her. And it’s been so fun for both of us and I have gotten to learn so much more about her. Kids open up to you more when you embrace all of who they are.

  14. You the best here Dr. Elise.
    Each time I read your post, am always comfortable. I find peace in your blog just a physical comfort. Thanks for setting a platform like ASKDRHO

  15. Gentle, wise, executivable advice. Putting our children 1st is an instinct most parents have. These points probably vide a means for parents to follow through on loving kindness and not just wish for it. Thank you!! xo, Evelyn, PathofPresence

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