Why do woman forget who their best friend really is?
Why do women insist on thinking that their job is to put the needs of the man in their life ahead of their own needs?
Or for that matter, why should the kids come first?
Come on, let’s be realistic here…
How can all of these people and their needs, wants and desires come before your own needs???
It just does not make sense. If all that you do, all day long, is give away bits and pieces of yourself then what exactly do you think you will be left with at the end of day?
NOTHING!
I know that at first read through this concept may seem horrible and selfish but I assure you, it is not. If you want to be a fantastic wife, mother, friend or even all three then you must make certain that your needs have been met.
There is a saying that states a “Happy Wife equals a Happy Life.”
I love this because it is so completely amazingly true. This does not mean that your significant other has to sacrifice themselves in order for your life to be happy, after all they do deserve the same respect that you do. Instead what this means is that you need to find your own happiness in order to shower happiness upon everyone around you. Putting all that your spouse wants in front of what you want is a sure fire way to build resentment.
I have been married for more than 20 years and have helped many couples with their relationships and I am here to tell you that marriage is NOT about putting the other person’s needs before your own.
The first step to a healthy marriage is nourishing yourself (i.e. putting yourself first in body, mind and spirit) so that you have something to offer your spouse. Of course, to have a happy marriage that does mean considering your spouse’s feelings, needs and desires. However, it also means taking care of yourself for if you do not you will not able to take care of anyone else.
Treat your relationship like a partnership in which you both want what is best for the other, while recognizing your own needs in the process, and marriage is beautiful.
Everyone of these points is also true of friendship.
To have a good friendship is to have a person in your life on whom you can count, a person who will lift you up when you are feeling down and who will tell you “like it is” but will always do so in a kind and caring way.
Who is this person in your life?
I know who she should be…she should be YOU!
That is right, your best friend should absolutely be you.
The problem is that we do not treat ourselves with the same love and respect that we afford others.
How crazy is that?
To make the shift to treating yourself with kindness consider these points.
- Let go of guilt. Guilt serves no positive purpose and is toxic to your mental and physical health.
- Understand that you are absolutely worth the effort, time and energy.
- Do not be selfish or selfless, there is a middle ground. Find it and stand there secure in the knowledge that you are exactly where you need to be.
- Learn to say “No.” Setting your boundaries is your right and privilege. Honoring them both is a kindness that you can offer to yourself.
- Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend because YOU are your best friend. Unfortunately though, at times, you have likely allowed yourself to be your worst enemy. Do not allow that anymore. You would not allow someone to be a part of your child’s life if they treated your child unkindly so do not allow that kind of negativity in your own life.
If you falter then think about what you would say to your best friend if she had presented a situation to you in which she feels guilty. Would you berate her? Would you tell her that she is a horrible person?
No, of course not.
You would love on her and you would offer advice, guidance and support.
Love on yourself, offer yourself kindness and understanding.
Listen to the exact advice that you would give to your best friend because the reality is that you are your best friend.
29 thoughts on “Your Best Friend”
What a great post Elise!
My favorite is: “Treat your relationship like a partnership in which you both want what is best for the other, while recognizing your own needs in the process, and marriage is beautiful.”
There needs to be mutual respect, concern, and efforts made to make sure you and your best friend have all of your needs met. Marriage was meant to be loving and beautiful for a lifetime and beyond?
Thank you for a beautiful reminder to love ourselves and not put ourselves last on the list.
Deborah
Thank you so very much. Marriage can be so incredibly fulfilling if we remember to fill our own bucket too.
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Solid great advice.
Thank you
Sweet post…
It’s always good to remember to be your own best friend … treat yourself like you would others … be kind and loving to yourself, always … sometimes hard to you, but so worth it to do …
It is something so often forgotten…
Wish I had read this about 25 years ago 🙂 I have been married to my hubby, whom I considered my best friend for 42 years — it took me a lot of years to realize I had to treat myself better, as my own best friend. This was great!
Carol, I would love to hear more. I know that you have so much beauty to share.
If I had been my own best friend, I guess I would not have been so hard on myself, right?
Yes, well that I would have to agree with.
Wow Elise! I never even considered thinking of myself as my own best friend. You have given me a fresh perspective. Also need to work on the guilt part, but I have been pretty good lately about backing out of some responsibilities that were overwhelming and I have been saying ‘no’ a bit more often. Thanks for the great article!
It is such an honor for me when I receive the feedback of having offered a fresh perspective. Thank you for that. saying “no” more often is a great way to help streamline your life. It sounds as if you are taking terrific steps.
I love the way you have presented this Elise. It is all true, of course. But some of us have been brought up to believe that others’ needs should come first. By the time one finished dealing with our young family and needs of our partner, we are really worn out. So, children these days need to be taught to respect themselves first, but not at the expense of others. Mutual respect all round is the way to go.
Thank you, Liz. Mutual respect is absolutely the way to go. Obviously, if we have people that look to us for their safety and security we must attend to that as a priority but we must also remember to attend to ourselves.
Elise
Great article, I think the other phrase is “If Mom’s not Happy, nobody is Happy”. The piece about Guilt is great, there are way too many couples who use the guilt card or even sometimes the poor me card. Just puts strains on relationships and doesn’t allow people to become the person they should be. Thanks for Sharing, Andy
Andy, that is another wonderful and true saying. The poor me and guilt aspects are awful and they can both be debilitating in their own way.
Hi Elise,
Great post and so true. Some I think will believe this is selfish but I’ve been on both sides and it truly does make life for everyone in the family better.
Thanks for sharing your great advice.
Have a great day, Monna
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hi Elise,
when I had my first kid ,my son ,I went to a doctor for examination after a while and I was lucky .He was an famous child psychologist ,talking in Radio and writing books . He said to me that time and I never forget ” Always remember to take care first of yourself ,if you are not happy your child can not be happy all people in your family can not be happy,you must always first make yourself feel good” And I found it is true 🙂
Thank you for this article
I think that doctor is brilliant. 🙂
Exactly why self-love is very important.
Indeed 🙂
Elise, you are so right. We must be our own best friend. There have been times when my husband has had to remind me to take it easy, to slow down, to not take on too much. Obviously, the guy loves me. But it is my responsibility to take care of myself, to say “No” or at times “Not Yet” to multiple and conflicting responsibilities. We undermine our health, the health of our marriages, and the health of our families when we do not take proper care of ourselves, when we fail to be our own best friend. Thank you for the reminder.
Kitt,
I thank you for your feedback. Being our own best friend allows our families, friends and all of our endeavors to get the very best version of us that they possibly can. It is our responsibility to know when to say “no” but it is absolutely wonderful when a spouse is so tuned in to our needs that they remind us of what we know deep in our beings. It sounds like you have a wonderful man.
Yes, I’m blessed to have him in my life.
Wonderfully written, Elise, and you certainly hit the nail on the head. I’ve been married to my man 26 years now, and he’s truly a keeper. I’m spoiled and I know it. He constantly puts me ahead of himself, and at times, it’s very hard to match that.
My best friend is and has always been my husband.
Blessings. Renee-Ann <
Thank you for the lovely compliment, Renee-Ann. My hubby is also really great about looking out for me. We are very lucky women.