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Mending Fences and Maintaining Sobriety: Addiction Survivors Share the Ways They’ve Rebuilt Relationships in Recovery

Disclaimer: Elise Ho, aka “Dr. Ho” is a Holistic Health & Life Coach. Dr. Ho is NOT a medical doctor, licensed therapist, lawyer, or a bevy of other things. Products or services that Dr. Ho believes in are the only ones that she recommends. Dr. Ho may receive compensation, product, or an affiliate commission on anything you see on this site. This is a personal Website solely reflecting Dr. Ho’s personal opinions. Statements on this site do not represent the views or policies of any organization with which I may be affiliated.

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Mending Fences and Maintaining Sobriety:

Addiction Survivors Share the Ways They’ve Rebuilt Relationships in Recovery
Please welcome Guest Blogger, Constance Ray, of Recovery Well.
Constance and the Recovery Well team have been interviewing people in substance abuse recovery. These people have bravely shared their stories with the Recovery Well team in the hopes of being able to inspire others struggling with mental health issues (not just addiction!). The team now shares with us.

Mending Fences and Maintaining Sobriety: Addiction Survivors Share the Ways They’ve Rebuilt Relationships in Recovery

By Constance Ray
 
Any of us who have witnessed a loved one struggle with addiction will admit that their condition takes a toll on us, too. It’s hard for us not to wonder if there is something we could have done to help them stay away from their substance of choice, something more we could have done to support them, or even if there is something we should have done differently.
 
Truthfully, it’s hard for many of us to not feel some degree of guilt for what our loved one is going through.
But after speaking with people currently in addiction recovery, we learned that our loved ones don’t want us to feel any burden of responsibility for their troubles. In fact, their love for us is often the reason they so desperately want to find lasting sobriety.

Don’t take our word for it — John and Eddie’s inspiring stories truly speak for themselves.

 
John lost his job and feared his family was next.
 
John struggled for years with his addiction, though he was in denial for a long time.
 
“My wife and other loved ones tried to talk to me, but I ignored them thinking my problems would somehow, someday, level out and magically go away,” he confessed.
 
Finally, he got a major reality check and realized he couldn’t conquer his issues alone.
 
“I was drinking and taking various prescription pills to cope with my fear, anxiety and chronic pain,” he explained.
 
“One day, the CEO brought me into his office and told me, ‘You obviously need help. I can’t help you in the way that you need it. But I can let you go so you can find that help.’ I was fired.”

For the first time in my life, I had to be honest.

I called my wife and told her, ‘I need help. I just got fired, and I need help.’”
 
It was during treatment that he realized it wasn’t just his life at stake — his choices had made a major impact on his family, and in order to save those relationships, he had to make some life-changing decisions.
 
“I learned the importance of being available and sober for my family. While I was [in addiction treatment at Texas’s] Treehouse, my wife and I had some conversations about divorce. It set in how permanent addiction could make things for my family,” he said.
 
John explained he didn’t just get sober for himself, but for his love of his wife and children. And although it’s an ongoing process to rebuild his family’s foundation, he’s grateful for his second chance.
 
“My family is far from healed — but that’s OK,” he said. “Time takes time, and things don’t fix themselves overnight.

It’s an ongoing process and we’re still working towards it.

 

Eddie had to learn to trust in time to repair his relationships.

Eddie, who has achieved over one year of sobriety, didn’t hesitate when asked what his biggest hurdle on his journey to a sober life was.
 
“My biggest challenge was trying to gain back the trust my family had lost me over the past eight years,” he replied. “My addiction to alcohol and opioids had changed me so much I didn’t recognize myself. … After my reliance was cast away and my vision was restored, I looked at the path of destruction I had left in my wake.

All I could think was, ‘Oh my God! How selfish of me!’”

With his family’s support, he took the brave step of going to treatment. But when he came home, he realized his work on his relationship with his family had only just begun.
 
“There was nothing in this world I could say to get them to trust me again — nothing,” he said. “Hell, I wasn’t sure I even trusted myself.”
 
But like John, Eddie said there was one critical factor in making amends with his family: “Time: time was the key.”
He said he knew the only way to regain his family’s trust was to continue to work hard on his sobriety. After all, they were a huge source of inspiration to him wanting to get clean.
 
“For about a month after I came home, not much was said to me,” he admitted. “So I worked on laying the foundation for the rest of my life, with or without them. I had no control, so I didn’t know what was in store for me.”
 
His hard work paid off — for both himself and his family.
 
“One day my wife walked up to me, looked me in the eye and kissed me on the cheek,” he remembered. “Tears filled my eyes as I looked back at her. I wanted to grab her and hold her, but was afraid. She said to me she was willing to give it another try! The rest, so far, is history.”

It’s true when people say that addiction affects more than just the person battling the disease — it impacts everyone who loves the one afflicted.

John and Eddie’s stories have a wonderful lesson for those working to overcome their addiction: forgiveness from your family is possible, but it may take some time.
 

Their stories also have a beautiful message for those of us who love an addict.

Our loved one truly does want to get better, and we are a big reason for that. They don’t want us to blame ourselves. In fact, they want to celebrate their sobriety with us when they get back on the right path. And with a little time and patience from both sides, that dream can come true.

 

 

Constance Ray started Recovery Well with the goal of creating a safe place for people to share how addiction has affected them, whether they are combating it themselves or watching someone they care about work to overcome it. The goal is to share stories of hope from survivors who know that the fight against addiction is one worth having because no matter how it affects you, life can get better.

Please use the comment section below to share your tips, questions, and/or thoughts about this post.

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Naturally Yours,
Elise Ho
Ph.D., D.N. Psych.
Behavioral & Mental Health Specialist

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17 thoughts on “Mending Fences and Maintaining Sobriety: Addiction Survivors Share the Ways They’ve Rebuilt Relationships in Recovery”

  1. Pingback: How You Can Move To A New Home & Be Healthy and Happy - Ask Dr. Ho

  2. I am always to grateful when people share their deeply stories like this. I can only imagine how difficult of a journey is must be.

  3. Thanks for sharing such inspiring stories. It is such an ongoing problem in this world and we should all see the other persons side as well. Thanks for the great insights. X

  4. I can relate in a sense when I was a teenager my Dad struggled with alcohol a lot more than he does now and it really affected me mentally and I blamed myself for it. This is a great idea.

    1. I am happy to hear that your father’s struggles have lessened. I am sorry to hear that you blamed yourself but the reality is that so many people who are closely related to alcoholics do. That is why great programs such as Al-anon exist. Good luck to your dad, you and your family. Let me know if you need anything.

  5. Wow, great post! I don’t know anyone that’s close to me who has struggled with addiction but I have seen from others’ that it is a very difficult situation! It’s great to bring to light some of the internal struggles these former addicts have gone through

  6. This post gives me conflicted feelings! Happiness for the families whose loved one is recovering and doing so well, and deep sadness because my own loved one, a parent, has almost been killed by his addiction more than once. It has ripped his family apart over and over and still hasn’t had the wake up call to get true help. Addiction is evil, and so destructive. So thankful for those who are able to escape it!

  7. Two inspiring stories for others facing similar battles. Sometimes it’s hard to see the other side when you’re in it, but there’s always another side. Thanks for sharing.

    Enjoy the journey!

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About The Author

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho

Dr. Elise Ho is a Holistic Health & Life Coach with a special interest in emotional health, life alignment, and energy flow.

Elise will partner with you to align your mindset, your energy, your home and your career so that you can live your life's desire with freedom and love.

Elise offers 30 years of experience and multiple certifications and degrees including a Ph.D. in Natural Health and a doctoral degree in Naturopathic Psychology.